[ Mo réalta; she likes it. At any rate, right now she likes it better than coach, daughter, nanna - she likes it better than Lisa Lisa. ]
[ Part of her wonders if it would be easier if she just felt bitter. If Caesar's words had just struck that one chord and made her angry to the point of blind, self-serving reason, if she'd just found him to be so wrong and undeserving in his accusations that instead of being this mess she was flat-out ignoring him, confronting him directly or running his mouth through the dirt. But that's not her. ]
[ She's a warrior; he's right about that. She was raised to be one: a relentless (vampire) killing machine pushed to learn how to defeat a vampire in three strikes before she knew what womanhood was all about. Negative feelings were always pushed under cool indifference. But. And he knows - she is also a mother. Was. Wanted to be and maybe that's why she's been constantly messing up since she set foot here: trying to be there for people who clearly never needed her to get to where they are, not even her own son so of course she'd cling to the closest thing, raising a kid that no one wants to see grow up. And it's such a mess, all of it. It hits her harder than she's allowing herself to say, but here he is, this man of myth and legend taking his time to comfort her when she, herself, doesn't know where to start. ]
I'm sorry.
[ Apologies where apologies are due. She doesn't chastise anyone for this idea of cold ruthlessness they think she'll act upon, but she was still ingrained with good values by sheer virtue of closeness to the Joestars. To Speedwagon - in many ways, more of a father than Straits, ever the instructor. ]
[ She does listen to him. Her eyes are downcast but she still moves to allow him to sit beside her, ultimately leaning against him despite herself. Her cheek rests against his shoulder, her hands now pressed together to conceal the lower half of her face as she slowly, steadily tries to regain her breathing; a beat. Two. The sound of the wind whistling in the forest. Streams on their continuous course. Her heart beats and the air goes in, out, in out in a steady rhythm. No more tears - no more tears today. Not for now. Her face is red, eyes and lips swollen from tears, from nervous bites, but Diarmuid can be her pillar for now and she can lean into him and she can breathe. ]
I... Never thought any of this would happen. [ Her voice is still shaky, but she's trying. She's doing her damned best if that'll get her anywhere. His words are heavy with wisdom and she can be a sponge and take it all in but it's all up to her. He's made it very clear. ] I never thought... I never thought of being a mother until it all unfurled, you know. I never even thought I'd marry. I made silly promises as a child but that was it; my father– he wanted me to master Hamon, to follow in his footsteps. And he taught me everything he knew, but not everything I know.
[ Astonishing, never-aging, a beauty. Had she made him jealous? He'd pushed her to her limit time and again. ]
I was so happy to have Joseph that I let my guard down. When his father was killed, I- I acted on impulse. What else was I supposed to do? I'd never known love that strong and suddenly one part of it was ripped apart before my very own eyes. I wasn't thinking; I was seeing red and I made a mistake. I lost Joseph because of that.
[ She still remembers it; the very last kiss she gave her sleeping baby boy before she was gone. ]
If I had stayed behind, I would have been killed. Mama, Speedwagon - not even father would allow it. I was forced into hiding. The mysterious hamon master of Air Supplena in Italy... My students would probably laugh if they knew she was an internationally wanted criminal.
[ She forged an entire identity around her grief. If she had nothing more to live for as Elizabeth, if her own son was to think she was dead– then by all means, she was. Lisa Lisa was born from that. Was it a lie if she chose to omit her past? That's where she and Caesar seemed to disagree. ]
I became like him, you know. Twenty years of my life have been spent guarding an ancient jewel and developing my abilities further like a war general in waiting. But... I've yearned to see my family again for longer than I can tell. When I first saw Joseph after so many years, I had to wear a mask lest my face would crack right there. [ He grew up so beautifully. She inhales sharply, slowly moving her hands from her face. Her nose still stings, but it feels as if the tears have subsided for the most part. ] I wanted to tell him everything, but I couldn't. His life was on the line. If I... If I told him then– I'm afraid he'd forget all about his training. That he'd let the poison resting in his body to seep through and kill him.
... I was ready to die for him. No parent who willingly abandoned their children would. I- I don't think Caesar understands that. He's... Understandably angry. But I know I won't be able to get through to him for a while.
this is such a long tag i'm so sorry oh my goddddd drags hands down face
[ Part of her wonders if it would be easier if she just felt bitter. If Caesar's words had just struck that one chord and made her angry to the point of blind, self-serving reason, if she'd just found him to be so wrong and undeserving in his accusations that instead of being this mess she was flat-out ignoring him, confronting him directly or running his mouth through the dirt. But that's not her. ]
[ She's a warrior; he's right about that. She was raised to be one: a relentless (vampire) killing machine pushed to learn how to defeat a vampire in three strikes before she knew what womanhood was all about. Negative feelings were always pushed under cool indifference. But. And he knows - she is also a mother. Was. Wanted to be and maybe that's why she's been constantly messing up since she set foot here: trying to be there for people who clearly never needed her to get to where they are, not even her own son so of course she'd cling to the closest thing, raising a kid that no one wants to see grow up. And it's such a mess, all of it. It hits her harder than she's allowing herself to say, but here he is, this man of myth and legend taking his time to comfort her when she, herself, doesn't know where to start. ]
I'm sorry.
[ Apologies where apologies are due. She doesn't chastise anyone for this idea of cold ruthlessness they think she'll act upon, but she was still ingrained with good values by sheer virtue of closeness to the Joestars. To Speedwagon - in many ways, more of a father than Straits, ever the instructor. ]
[ She does listen to him. Her eyes are downcast but she still moves to allow him to sit beside her, ultimately leaning against him despite herself. Her cheek rests against his shoulder, her hands now pressed together to conceal the lower half of her face as she slowly, steadily tries to regain her breathing; a beat. Two. The sound of the wind whistling in the forest. Streams on their continuous course. Her heart beats and the air goes in, out, in out in a steady rhythm. No more tears - no more tears today. Not for now. Her face is red, eyes and lips swollen from tears, from nervous bites, but Diarmuid can be her pillar for now and she can lean into him and she can breathe. ]
I... Never thought any of this would happen. [ Her voice is still shaky, but she's trying. She's doing her damned best if that'll get her anywhere. His words are heavy with wisdom and she can be a sponge and take it all in but it's all up to her. He's made it very clear. ] I never thought... I never thought of being a mother until it all unfurled, you know. I never even thought I'd marry. I made silly promises as a child but that was it; my father– he wanted me to master Hamon, to follow in his footsteps. And he taught me everything he knew, but not everything I know.
[ Astonishing, never-aging, a beauty. Had she made him jealous? He'd pushed her to her limit time and again. ]
I was so happy to have Joseph that I let my guard down. When his father was killed, I- I acted on impulse. What else was I supposed to do? I'd never known love that strong and suddenly one part of it was ripped apart before my very own eyes. I wasn't thinking; I was seeing red and I made a mistake. I lost Joseph because of that.
[ She still remembers it; the very last kiss she gave her sleeping baby boy before she was gone. ]
If I had stayed behind, I would have been killed. Mama, Speedwagon - not even father would allow it. I was forced into hiding. The mysterious hamon master of Air Supplena in Italy... My students would probably laugh if they knew she was an internationally wanted criminal.
[ She forged an entire identity around her grief. If she had nothing more to live for as Elizabeth, if her own son was to think she was dead– then by all means, she was. Lisa Lisa was born from that. Was it a lie if she chose to omit her past? That's where she and Caesar seemed to disagree. ]
I became like him, you know. Twenty years of my life have been spent guarding an ancient jewel and developing my abilities further like a war general in waiting. But... I've yearned to see my family again for longer than I can tell. When I first saw Joseph after so many years, I had to wear a mask lest my face would crack right there. [ He grew up so beautifully. She inhales sharply, slowly moving her hands from her face. Her nose still stings, but it feels as if the tears have subsided for the most part. ] I wanted to tell him everything, but I couldn't. His life was on the line. If I... If I told him then– I'm afraid he'd forget all about his training. That he'd let the poison resting in his body to seep through and kill him.
... I was ready to die for him. No parent who willingly abandoned their children would. I- I don't think Caesar understands that. He's... Understandably angry. But I know I won't be able to get through to him for a while.