[He had called her múinteoir at first. 'Teacher,' but now Diarmuid feels the need to make what he calls her more personal. More her. Especially in this time when she feels like so unsure of who she is and what she should be doing. In his eyes, he still knows who she is to him. She is a star. At times, she shines brightly and harshly, leading the way when all else is darkness. At other times, her glow is soft, unsure, but still beautiful and warm.]
Don't say you are sorry. You've done nothing wrong.
[Perhaps better than others, Diarmuid can understand the battle she is fighting right now. From the age of six, he trained to be a knight. It was his whole life and what he focused on to the exclusion of all else. He trained. He honed his skills. He reached for perfection and then kept reaching even farther. There were things he thought he would never have. Things he would never be and then...then Grainne happened. Things between them were complex and far from the perfectly happy couple the legends would have people believe they were, but the one thing that was always simple was how much he loved their children. A man who never saw himself marrying, who saw himself living and dying in service of a lord who he was sworn to before he could even speak, found a new life and love in those small smiling faces every time he saw them.
Knight. Father. Two roles that each demanded his full attention. It is the same for her. Mother. Hamon teacher. Two roles that each demanded her full attention. Balancing them successfully is a never ending battle, not that they ever were suppose to have to balance them. One role was the role they trained all their lives to fill.
The other the joyful role that found them.
When Lisa Lisa leans against him, Diarmuid takes the opportunity to wrap the blanket around their shoulders. His arm remains around her shoulders to give her even more support, while the blanket shrouds her--them--to give her a soft, warm, safe place to sort through the things that are currently tearing her apart.]
You only lose something when you give up on it. That is not what you did. You embraced the true meaning of the role of a mother and sacrificed everything to keep your son alive and safe. Alive and safe. [For a moment, he pauses, leaning his head to the side so it rests next to hers.]
Actually, you didn't sacrifice everything. You kept the most important things--your life and your love for him. Would he be better off if you had allowed yourself to be killed then? Of course not. Even if your family had come up with some kind of lie to cover for it, the truth would have come out someday. Your family's secrets have secrets, but the light always finds those secrets when the time is right for them to be found. Such is the Fate of those who destiny has marked. I may not know Joseph, but I have met several of your family by now and I feel pretty confident in thinking he would have blamed himself for your death had you died because you stayed with him.
Would that have been a better fate than the one he faced without you? [When she finally lets her hands drop from her face, he reaches out with his free hand to take them and give them a squeeze.]
I think we both know the answer to that question, and both as a father and a teacher I am going to give you the answer to another question. When you didn't tell him during his training, you were right. Too often I have seen emotions like those telling him the truth would have caused him, lead a man to his death. Fighting requires focus and control of your emotions. Even those who draw strength from their emotions need that focus and that control in some form, but some emotions are just too strong to control or draw power from. I suspect Caesar would disagree with me, but if my guess is not too far off, that is because he is standing on the opposite side of a two-way street from you. He was left behind by someone who sacrificed their all to keep him safe. His pain is as intense and heart-wrenching as yours, but he is not in the right frame of might right now to realize that you both are suffering. His own pain blinds him. You are right. It will take time, a long time, for him to get to the place where he is ready to hear what you tried to tell him. You cannot force him to understand. It is an understanding he has to find in time.
For now, all you can do is find understanding within yourself. Once you do that, you will finally know the right way to tell Joseph the truth.
Trades one long tag for another!
Don't say you are sorry. You've done nothing wrong.
[Perhaps better than others, Diarmuid can understand the battle she is fighting right now. From the age of six, he trained to be a knight. It was his whole life and what he focused on to the exclusion of all else. He trained. He honed his skills. He reached for perfection and then kept reaching even farther. There were things he thought he would never have. Things he would never be and then...then Grainne happened. Things between them were complex and far from the perfectly happy couple the legends would have people believe they were, but the one thing that was always simple was how much he loved their children. A man who never saw himself marrying, who saw himself living and dying in service of a lord who he was sworn to before he could even speak, found a new life and love in those small smiling faces every time he saw them.
Knight. Father. Two roles that each demanded his full attention. It is the same for her. Mother. Hamon teacher. Two roles that each demanded her full attention. Balancing them successfully is a never ending battle, not that they ever were suppose to have to balance them. One role was the role they trained all their lives to fill.
The other the joyful role that found them.
When Lisa Lisa leans against him, Diarmuid takes the opportunity to wrap the blanket around their shoulders. His arm remains around her shoulders to give her even more support, while the blanket shrouds her--them--to give her a soft, warm, safe place to sort through the things that are currently tearing her apart.]
You only lose something when you give up on it. That is not what you did. You embraced the true meaning of the role of a mother and sacrificed everything to keep your son alive and safe. Alive and safe.
[For a moment, he pauses, leaning his head to the side so it rests next to hers.]
Actually, you didn't sacrifice everything. You kept the most important things--your life and your love for him. Would he be better off if you had allowed yourself to be killed then? Of course not. Even if your family had come up with some kind of lie to cover for it, the truth would have come out someday. Your family's secrets have secrets, but the light always finds those secrets when the time is right for them to be found. Such is the Fate of those who destiny has marked. I may not know Joseph, but I have met several of your family by now and I feel pretty confident in thinking he would have blamed himself for your death had you died because you stayed with him.
Would that have been a better fate than the one he faced without you?
[When she finally lets her hands drop from her face, he reaches out with his free hand to take them and give them a squeeze.]
I think we both know the answer to that question, and both as a father and a teacher I am going to give you the answer to another question. When you didn't tell him during his training, you were right. Too often I have seen emotions like those telling him the truth would have caused him, lead a man to his death. Fighting requires focus and control of your emotions. Even those who draw strength from their emotions need that focus and that control in some form, but some emotions are just too strong to control or draw power from. I suspect Caesar would disagree with me, but if my guess is not too far off, that is because he is standing on the opposite side of a two-way street from you. He was left behind by someone who sacrificed their all to keep him safe. His pain is as intense and heart-wrenching as yours, but he is not in the right frame of might right now to realize that you both are suffering. His own pain blinds him. You are right. It will take time, a long time, for him to get to the place where he is ready to hear what you tried to tell him. You cannot force him to understand. It is an understanding he has to find in time.
For now, all you can do is find understanding within yourself. Once you do that, you will finally know the right way to tell Joseph the truth.