oathshackledbird | SoulGemmed Mailbox

Then stop acting like you know me!

[Diarmuid's temper finally flares and slips out of his control. He curls is hands into fists, the exact opposite of Kakyoin who has just uncurled his.]

You keep telling me what I should or shouldn't do like you know exactly who I am and what I am going to do. You have no idea who I am and what I have been through! What do you want me to do?

[Suddenly, he draws his hands in front of himself, folding them into a begging posture.]

Shall I beg you to forgive me and kneel here while you put me out of this misery because this place might someday turn this power I didn't ask for against you? That would make it so easy, wouldn't it?

[Just as quickly as he drew his arms forward, he throws them out to his sides.]

Forget it! I have died twice to protect people and I am not about to stop now because a child thinks his trauma is worse than my own. We are on even ground here and it is time you learned that. I may not be your teacher, but maybe I should be. You might actually learn something then!

[A short fuse was practically the trademark of the Zeppeli family--out of the three of them, only Kakyoin's mother ever seemed to have it well under control. Right now her son was making his best attempt to do the same, pushing back the initial desire to simply punch Diarmuid right in his overdramatic face.]

[It was because he took a few extra seconds to hold himself back that Kakyoin realized they were both right, in a sense. He was being unfair because of everything The World had done to him...and everything it had taken. They were both assuming too much about the other; Kakyoin firmly set in the idea that even one more person killed in stopped time would be too many, and disgusted with the perception that Diarmuid didn't seem to understand that. On the other side, the current owner of that power he hated so much couldn't possibly have grasped Kakyoin's reasoning or the root of his fear and hatred.]

I have a teacher.

[Kakyoin took a single step back; not out of fear or hesitation, but conceding a little more space rather than continue antagonizing him. The teenager's voice was steady and quiet, but still carried a tone of force and authority.]

And I watched him nearly die from a knife that just appeared in midair and stabbed him in the throat. I had a best friend once, and I'll never know how the hell he died because he did it alone, fighting that power for my own sake.

I have been through shit you can't even comprehend because of the power over time and someone who decided to use it the wrong way. I'm probably being cruel or unfair to you--I'll acknowledge that. And I'll also tell you that I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to fight anyone anymore.

But I would rather die than see that power hurt even one more person.

Then for your own sake, I really hope that your teacher hurries up and teaches you the meaning of a 'self-fulfilling prophecy' because if you were throwing all of this at a person who was not as experienced or as strong-willed as I am, they might very well give in and become the very thing you fear just because you so strongly expect them to be that way.

[Perhaps he is being over-dramatic, but when it comes to things he feels strongly about, that is Diarmuid's way. He holds things back for so long that when they break free, they really break free.]

Believe me when I say I am not belittling the pain you have experienced and the things you have lost, but you are not the only one to lose so much. You are right. I will never know how it feels to be in your shoes just as you will never know how it felt to be betrayed by a man who you devoted your whole life to serving. You will never know how it feels to bleed out on a hillside while you hear your best friend scream and threaten to throw away everything he has fought to earn and protect in a vain attempt to save your life. You will never have your last thoughts be how terrible it feels to have so thoroughly failed to protec--

[His words cut off as Kakyoin's words and his own suddenly snap together. Diarmuid's eyes widen and lock on the redhead in front of him.]

That's it, isn't it?

[It makes so much sense.]

You wished to protect what you failed to protect the first time...

...

[For a second, violet eyes flashed like Kakyoin was repressing the urge to start a fight on the spot again.]

[It was true, Kakyoin didn't understand. He couldn't understand anything like that. His friends, his family had always been right at his back even when they'd fought and argued with each other. Betraying each other would have been unthinkable, and so he couldn't even comprehend the kind of pain Diarmuid was talking about.]

[Still something about the word failed felt like a slap to the face. No matter how true it was, no matter how much Kakyoin knew that was the case, it hurt.

...I don't have to explain anything. I told you--it has nothing to do with anyone but my family. I've already said too much, so I should just leave.

[As idealistic and hopeful as Diarmuid generally is, there are some things he is unfailing realistic about and one of those things is admitting when he has not lived up to his own expectations. He is not afraid to say he failed. Calling a failure anything else only makes it harder to learn from and move forward from those failures. Does it hurt to know he has failed? Of course, but hiding behind and allowing his failures control of molding him is not something he will allow himself to do. It is an insult to himself and those who he failed.

Hopefully, distance will eventually bring this wisdom to the boy in front of him, but Diarmuid knows he's not going to be able to force such knowledge onto him.]

You can't save everyone no matter how much you want to. You can only do your best.

[Diarmuid turns in his doorway, strangely enough, in a manner that suggests invitation to come in.]

You can leave if you want, but nothing has changed. You and I have not come to an understanding yet. Perhaps we can't now, but it will have to happen sometime. My door is open whenever you wish to try.

[Kakyoin scowled again, hand moving to his glasses.]

...yes, I can. No matter what it takes.

[He'd managed to save Caesar at the last minute. And even if it had twisted reality itself, the fact remained that his wish had surely been granted. Jotaro Kujo and Jean-Pierre Polnareff were alive somewhere, and that meant something.]

So you don't have to look at me like you're sympathetic. And I do't need you to patronize me because of my age or experience. My family can take care of our problems, on our own without anyone's help.

[Diarmuid sighs. One saved, another lost. In the end, the world always comes back to a certain balance. That is why, the more Diarmuid thinks about the wishes they have been given, the more he worries. Sure, one world may have been spared one event, but what about another world? It has to be balanced somewhere. One world saved. One lost.

Is it right if all they care about is their own worlds? Diarmuid isn't sure himself, but it is something he will figure out later. There is still another issue that needs addressing.

He turns to look back over his shoulder.]

Just because you think you hear something in someone's words, doesn't mean that is the intent. My sympathy, though, I will give as I wish. If you really don't want it, you are free to ignore it.

[No one is going to tell him how to feel or when to feel again.]

It is a lonely road that you have chosen to walk, since your family isn't here. It would be smart for you to form a new family if you don't wish to be alone for the rest of your life. If you do, well, that is your choice.

No one ever said my family wasn't here. There's no need for you to spare concern for that.

[But they weren't, were they? Lisa Lisa had gone back to California. Fujiko and Noriyuki Kakyoin were both back in Tokyo, with both of Fujiko's parents. Hopefully all of them would stay right where they were instead of getting involved with that goddamned cat.]

[...Caesar may have been 'Caesar Anthonio Zeppeli', but he wasn't 'Noriaki Kakyoin's grandfather'. The lack of a birthmark on his shoulder left Kakyoin with some strange disconnect, attached to a person fifty years too young that was and wasn't blood relation. Later, he'd acknowledge that DIarmuid was right about one thing...it was lonely.]

[But that didn't matter. The Zeppeli family would handle their own problems from now on. No more outsiders, no more innocent bystanders tagging along and dying for them. Never again.]

[Kakyoin shook his head and turned on his heel, hand moving to his pocket in almost an afterthought to take out a small object. He'd brought this just in case, but...it felt pretty stupid now that he thought about it.]

...I don't know if your magic works like his power did. This is more than likely to be useless if it does, but take it anyway. [He looked over his shoulder and tossed whatever was in his hand over to Diarmuid--a small stopwatch.]

If it functions at all, it's easier than measuring frozen time in the steps you're taking.

[Kakyoin's answer causes Diarmuid to raise an eyebrow. Granted, there is a small chance that some of his family has arrived, so Diarmuid won't flat out call the young man a liar. However, it's just as likely he is just saying that in an effort to keep all the burden on his shoulders. Diarmuid doesn't like the idea of letting him continue like this, but in the end, this is just another choice that Kakyoin has to make on his own.

He is about to speak when Kakyoin pulls a small item out of his pocket and tosses it to him. Once he catches it and realizes what he is holding, Diarmuid can't help but look at it in surprise. After all their arguing and how much he fears this power, why would Kakyoin give him something that will possibly strengthen that ability, or if not strengthen it, at least allow him to know it better?

Why?

In the end, Diarmuid can't find an answer to that question, so he lets it go.]

Thank you. I am really not sure how it works. Maybe now I can start trying to figure it out. If I learn anything or the power changes, I will make sure you know.

[It's the least he can do to help put Kakyoin at ease.]

[Kakyoin didn't really have an answer for that question either, so it was better that it was left unasked. But...no matter how little he trusted anyone with that ability, Diarmuid wasn't Dio. Even if he was lying about wanting to help...the redhead had the nagging feeling he'd know if that was the case. People like Diarmuid were too honest, wore their hearts on their sleeve and were terrible liars.]

[Kind of like Kakyoin himself. And he could understand having a responsibility one didn't ask for.]

You'll know where to find me if you need to. I won't kick you out, and I don't want to fight you.

[They both stood to benefit from this; if his magic let a held stopwatch work in frozen time somehow, then Diarmuid could keep track of how many seconds he had left. And provided he was an honest person, he'd be able to reliably tell Kakyoin if that time grew longer or not.]

[Diarmuid turns the watch over in his hand as he listens to Kakyoin speaking. Will he really be able to use the watch during stopped time? Everything with him seemed to be able to move before, but he never really checked that closely because most of the time when he used the power, it was just so he could have the side effect of it. He didn't care about the power itself.

Now he does. It's time to find out what makes it tick.

He nods and slides the watch into his pocket, gaze returning to Kakyoin.]

I don't want to fight you either. As out of place as it may sound coming from a knight, I prefer to avoid fighting when I can. Too much is lost during battle and most of it can't ever be gotten back.

[A small smile crosses his face.]

I'll be in touch.

[Kakyoin looked over his shoulder again; he didn't smile, instead looking impassive and cold. Or...maybe he was just tired.]

[Too much is lost, and most of it can't ever be gotten back.]

...I know.

[Kakyoin turned back, outfit changing in a quick burst of emerald light--on the back of his shoulder the scarlet birthmark was finally visible, a circle with four smaller triangles surrounding it. That was the source of his entire problem, the legacy that was very literally resting on his shoulders. If it wasn't for that, he wouldn't be here. He'd be back in Tokyo, probably still in school and living like a normal teenager. His friends would still be alive, and the deep fear of being helpless outside of stopped time would be nonexistent.]

[But 'if it wasn't for that' was useless. Useless, useless, useless. It was what it was and the heir to the Zeppeli legacy had already lost everything and everyone. So...if he could just prevent anyone else from losing the same, then it would be fine. He could make this stupid, broken wish actually worth something, couldn't he?]

[Hesitating like he wanted to say something more, Kakyoin quickly thought better of it and took off in quick and practiced motions with a few small white feathers shed from the clip in his hair.]

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