oathshackledbird | Animus Mailbox #0091

D,

Thought you would. Just curious about it. Different planet, remember?

I don't remember you telling me. Hunting accident?

-R

Reno,

You...could say that, yes.

--Diarmuid

[Well, that was short and sweet, wasn't it? How odd...]

[Reno himself is at door this time. The last letter Diarmuid sent him is in his hand, and Reno looks... actually a little worried.]

[Diarmuid is at first surprised, then worried when he returns to his room and finds Reno waiting outside.]

Is something wrong? Did something happen to Shion or Xion?

No, I was worried 'bout this. [He waves the letter at him.] Just wanted to stop by. See if you were all right.

Sorry, I... y'know it's... this place treats death so cheaply. Usually you talk 'bout everything. I guess I wanted to make sure y'wanted to go with us. If ya don't feel comfortable-...

[Diarmuid looks at the letter for a moment before sighing softly and motioning for Reno to follow him into the room.]

I appreciate your worry. I will be fine. It's just...an unhappy memory that was made worse by how I died in the Tower the first time. Trust the Tower to further complicate already complicated things.

[Accepting the invitation for the moment, Reno gives Diarmuid an incredulous look.]

Dee, did you just say your death is an unhappy memory.

[One eyebrow, Diarmuid, just one.]

Servant, remember Reno?

[Diarmuid returns that incredulous look with one of his own.]

I not only get to remember how I died, I get information on the various ways it was recorded down through the ages.

Dee... sayin' it's an unhappy memory is like implying remembering a death could be something else.

[He's died enough times in the Tower to know that, at least. But... that part he hadn't known.]

I'm sorry, y'know... things like this make me wish I knew more 'bout Earth. Sometimes I feel like what you guys say goes over my head or there's something subtle that I miss. I should've known.

[There's something else, he wants to say though. Something sort of important.]

Everybody dies, or they're supposed to... but do you regret bein' here, Dee?

Were it not for some of the circumstances that led up to my death, it would not have been so bad. I lived my life to the fullest and I had no regrets. There are just some other unfortunate things that made it...less pleasant.

[As if being disemboweled by a monstrous boar can be considered present in any way.]

I...can tell you of it if you really want, but it's not your fault for not knowing. I really don't blame you.

[He gives the man a puzzled look.]

No, no matter what happens and what horrors I suffer in this place, I will never regret being brought here. Never. Why are you asking such a thing?

It's my job to know about the people I lead, Dee.

[Though Reno is once again making a face at Diarmuid's word choice. It quickly fades when he continues.]

...I'm sorry, Diarmuid, I shouldn't have asked.

[Why is it he's apologizing every time he opens his mouth? Damn it, Reno...]

I... only wanted to say I'm glad you're here. [A deep breath in.] ... Ehh...

[And out. It's a good thing he caught himself just then.

What the hell is going on. Reno frowns and starts beating a hasty retreat, before he opens his mouth again and something worse comes out. Maybe something bad enough that it'd anger his friend.]

I'll see ya later.

Reno, wait, please.

[To say that Diarmuid is concerned about how his friend is acting would be an understatement. As much as it makes him happy to hear that Reno is glad that they met, that good feeling is overshadowed by sudden worry. He steps forward, gently but firmly grabbing the red head's arm.]

Is something wrong? You have been so apologetic and...twitchy ever since you got here. What am I missing? Please talk to me.

[Reno freezes, glancing down at the hand on his arm, then up to meet Diarmuid's eyes.]

No, thing's are goin' smooth. No problems.

[Avoiding the subject is go. As futile as he knows that is with the man.]

And I don't really feel up to another verbal sparring match, Diarmuid.

Then for once just straight up tell me what is on your mind, instead of dancing around it.

[Diarmuid's hand tightens on Reno's arm slightly.]

Please...after all that we have shared, why are you hiding this from me now? What is wrong?

[Reno winces, though not from the gesture.]

Fine. That's the problem. Would ya let me go now?

[Diarmuid shakes his head in confusion.]

I don't understand... Are you upset because of all you said when we were in the ballroom?

[Sighing and placing both hands on Diarmuid's shoulders and stares at him for a long moment. Reno finally shakes his head and looks away.]

Time's running out. Either we're going to die, or we'll wind up back where we belong.

[There's that world Xion mentioned, where they both went to Costa del Sol, but as optimistic as that makes him, he knew he couldn't ask his friends to go all with him.]

I've talked to you about that before, remember? I don't want to talk 'bout it again.

[He lets go and starts to walk away again.]

You...could come back with us...

[Diarmuid isn't sure what else to say. This side of Reno is confusing him. Is it really a result of what he had made the red head face in the ballroom, or is it something else entirely? He doesn't know. He just knows he doesn't want Reno to walk away feeling so hopeless.]

I don't know if it will be possible to go to other worlds yet, but if it is possible, you could come with us if you didn't want to go with...anyone else.

[Things aren't right with Elena still, Diarmuid knows that, and even if they were, he knows Reno doesn't really want to go back to their world. Knowing what might happen...he can't blame the red head for that.

But that still doesn't seem like it's all of it. What is he missing?]

[Again, Reno stops, but this time arrested by the words rather than the physical. Slowly, he starts shaking his head, shoulders slumping almost imperceptibly to a regular human.]

Rufus would die if I don't go back, and I owe him my life. Besides... Xion saw both of us at Costa del Sol.

[And it gives him hope, but at the same time, he has to leave his friends behind. The people he loves on Gaia are waiting for him, but they'd never understand like the people of the Tower do.

Then he laughs softly; bittersweet, but amused at the same time.]

How the hell do ya always know so much about what I'm thinking?

[Diarmuid gives Reno a confused look for a moment and then shakes his head, motioning for the man to come and sit with him on the bed instead of walking away. He is still recovering from the exhaustion caused by helping to recharge the Tower, and while he is stronger than he was, he still grows tired frustratingly easy sometimes.]

If I really knew what you were thinking, I would know how to fix the problem that so worries you aside from what we have already talked about. I don't, though. I...just try not to think about it, I guess. There is so much else to worry about. Especially now.

[He has to go back with Waver...otherwise, well all those other concerns are a moot point. He won't remember any of it even if he is ever called back into the world, which might not happen if the Waver of his world is as successful at his goals as the one he knows wants to be.

There is little doubt in his mind that he will be.]

[Reluctant, Reno leans against the wall by the door and folds his arms. He isn't comfortable enough to go farther in.]

It isn't really a problem. I'll say my goodbyes when the time comes, like I always do. If I'm lucky, Xion will be with me. I have an idea where Rufus is so I might be able to change things.

[Well, at least he didn't walk out. That is a plus.]

But knowing what you have to doing and knowing what you want to do are two different things, right? Is that what the problem is? Or is it more, you have more than one thing you want to do? You want to stay with your friends and family here, yet you have things that need to be done and should be done at home...

[Diarmuid smiles softly.]

It's good to know Xion will be going with you.

What I want doesn't really matter if Gaia gets restored. I know where I'm supposed to be. I have my oaths.

[Diarmuid's eyes narrow at the other man. Far be it for him to hold keeping a promise against anyone, he has learned since he arrived here that sometimes...sometimes things change.]

Reno, you realize you aren't the same man who made those oaths, right? It's okay if your needs and wishes have changed since you got here and you have made new promises. Will you so easily break those for the oaths made by another man?

[Of course, Diarmuid didn't understand... arguing the other point, pointing out things he did not want to think about.]

I arrived here in March. It's almost March again. It wasn't long before that when I made them.

[He spoke sharply, making a point, but sighs and softens slightly for the next part.]

I... spoke with Rufus before the wedding, but he advised me to go through with it. And Elena knew things might not last. She accepted and knew the risks. Eventually, the kids will have to go home and live their own lives.

[And he rubs the back of his neck, lowering his gaze.]

I haven't made any promises other than we'll fight for our choices.

Besides... promises and oaths are different. You told me to be the person I wanted to be, someone that he could be proud of. If I went back on those now, I should just stop trying.

Letter; a bit later

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[one turk stuck to his door]

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[CW: Mentions of Evisceration] For now, and if they get talking about it again later...

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